Parents - Bullying

In the past, I have had some parents ask me about bullying and what to do if their child is being bullied. I found this article on the Focus on the Family website and thought it may provide a little insight. The article is the first in a series of five articles, so go to http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/schooling/bullying.aspx for the other articles and more info. If your child has struggled with being bullied or with bullying others I would enjoy hearing your thoughts about this article and insights you gained from your experience, so post them here or let's go have coffee!

Bullying by Brad Lewis
As a parent, there are four ways you can provide support to your child when he is being bullied.
1. Don't wait for your child to talk about it. You might need to poke around with different terms: "Is someone picking on you at school?" "Is anyone starting fights with you at recess?"
Some bullies threaten to harm your child or members of his family if he tells. Your child may also hesitate to talk if he feels guilty for allowing himself to be bullied. Keeping communication lines open will assure your child that there is hope.
2. Watch for nonverbal signs of bullying. Does your child want to stay home? Does he keep losing his lunch money? Is he hungry right after school even though he took a big lunch? These are all possible warning signs.
3. Encourage your child to make friends. Being with one other buddy might deter a bully. Most go for kids who are alone. While peer support does not replace adult intervention, it does provide an emotional safety net and, most important, it can help restore lost hope.
4. Let school authorities know what's going on in a discreet manner. Your child may fear that if you "do something about it," it will make things worse. Keep the same "easy touch" in mind if you know the parents of the bully and decide to contact them. Being aware of these dynamics can help you know how to respond.
Even if your child isn't a victim, it can be beneficial to have a discussion about this topic. Who knows? Your child might become a protector of someone being bullied, or he may even decide to show compassion to a bully who feels guilty about how he's treating others.

Untouchable Joy Not Unreachable

Blessed = untouchable joy

Blessed are the poor in spirit...
Poor in spirit - acknowledging you have a need for God, allowing Him to teach you and depending on Him for everything
Are you desperately in need of God?

Blessed are those who mourn
Mourning...over sin - Grief over sin will result in ceasing to sin, guilt leads to redundancy.
Are you experiencing sorrow/sadness over your sin or over "getting caught"?

Blessed are the gentle
Gentle - like a gentle giant, strong yet tempered, using strength when necessary
Are you using your strengths when necessary or are you flaunting them?

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness
*Note: not the already righteous, but those who hunger and thirst for it.
Hunger and thirst are basic instincts, we don't have to think about being hungry or thirsty. When we do become hungry or thirsty we go after something that will satisfy?
Do you long to righteous and then do you go after it?

Blessed are the merciful
Mercy is not a simply a feeling, it is an action. Mercy is not giving people the 'punishment' they deserve.
Do you attempt to punish people for their wrongdoing toward you or someone else?

Blessed are the pure in heart
Pure - being cleansed, a process of becoming pure; we have been declared pure but must still seek to become pure by pursuing righteousness
Do you allow yourself to be tainted or do you seek out righteousness?

Blessed are the peacemakers
Peacemakers create peace through reconciliation. Sometimes life may be shaken up for the sake of reconciling someone, especially when reconciling them to the Creator.
Is reconciliation your goal, even if you have to lose your peace to do so?

Blessed are those who have been persecuted
Someone who undergoes persecution for the sake of righteous and for Christ is loyalty to the extreme...anything for the cause of Christ
Do you do anything for the cause of Christ? Are you that extreme in your loyalty to Him?

Parents Helping Their Kids Grow From Being a Child to an Adult

Recently I did some research on teenage rebellion. I was trying to understand the teenage mind more and thinking about why good kids decide to seemingly rebel against their parents when they become an adolescent. I went to several resources: Focus on the Family’s website, notes from my adolescent psychology classes, trusted children and teen ministers across the nation that are more seasoned than myself, as well as seeking through scriptures and asking God for His divine wisdom. Everything led me in the same direction. Teens want to be autonomous and find their way. I know this is not ground breaking, but it led me to think about the way that most parents raise their children and I began to ask questions. So I want to bring you along for the journey and simply ask questions just to get us thinking. The initial thought is about teenagers, but it leads to the foundational ground that is laid in children.

1) In Bible times children that were 12 and 13 were considered adults and we able to marry. Mary was only a young teenager when she was engage to Joseph and had Jesus. It seems that it was the onset of puberty that began adulthood. Does our culture encourage kids to mature slower than the rate they were designed to mature? Is this a hindrance or does it benefit us?
2) Teens desire to make their own choices. In my research I learned that what is often what is label as “rebellion” is actually the teen just choosing something for themselves instead of choosing what they have been ‘forced’ to choose. If teenagers are able to make their own choices, being an adolescent becomes a training ground for being an adult. What if we allowed teens to make their own decisions and experience the natural consequences, but helped them to make well thought-out educated choices?
For example: I know a teenager that was skipping class a lot. She had been told over and over that she needed to go to class, but she still chose not to go. One day in our conversation I asked her who (not what – who describes the type of person, what tends to describe a career) she wanted to be when she was an adult. She described, as most would, a successful adult that works, is responsible, fun, loving and strong. The conversation led back to her skipping class and how her choice to not go to class now is setting up bad habits for keeping a job later in life. When she saw this action as a choice she could make that affects the person she will be in the future she decided she wanted to go to class. No one else made that choice for her; it was something she wanted to do.
3) What if parents decided that when their child entered junior high they would allow them to begin choosing for themselves? This would mean that parents would have to work towards teaching them all the basic principles of living a godly life by the time the child turn 12. After the child’s twelfth birthday it would no longer be teaching them principles but it would be more practical application of the principles. This of course doesn’t mean that parents would not apply principles to the children’s lives or that they would stop teaching principles during adolescents. It would mean that the parent would limit the consequences a teenager experiences to natural consequences. The parent’s role would shift from being teacher and disciplinarian to being coach and support.

What do you think? Do you think that teaching your child everything they need to know about being a man or woman of God by the age of 12 is possible? Are teens capable of making their own choices and choosing the right things? Does our culture try to slow maturity? I am only beginning to explore this concept and I am always trying to learn. I would love to hear your thoughts.