Parents Helping Their Kids Grow From Being a Child to an Adult

Recently I did some research on teenage rebellion. I was trying to understand the teenage mind more and thinking about why good kids decide to seemingly rebel against their parents when they become an adolescent. I went to several resources: Focus on the Family’s website, notes from my adolescent psychology classes, trusted children and teen ministers across the nation that are more seasoned than myself, as well as seeking through scriptures and asking God for His divine wisdom. Everything led me in the same direction. Teens want to be autonomous and find their way. I know this is not ground breaking, but it led me to think about the way that most parents raise their children and I began to ask questions. So I want to bring you along for the journey and simply ask questions just to get us thinking. The initial thought is about teenagers, but it leads to the foundational ground that is laid in children.

1) In Bible times children that were 12 and 13 were considered adults and we able to marry. Mary was only a young teenager when she was engage to Joseph and had Jesus. It seems that it was the onset of puberty that began adulthood. Does our culture encourage kids to mature slower than the rate they were designed to mature? Is this a hindrance or does it benefit us?
2) Teens desire to make their own choices. In my research I learned that what is often what is label as “rebellion” is actually the teen just choosing something for themselves instead of choosing what they have been ‘forced’ to choose. If teenagers are able to make their own choices, being an adolescent becomes a training ground for being an adult. What if we allowed teens to make their own decisions and experience the natural consequences, but helped them to make well thought-out educated choices?
For example: I know a teenager that was skipping class a lot. She had been told over and over that she needed to go to class, but she still chose not to go. One day in our conversation I asked her who (not what – who describes the type of person, what tends to describe a career) she wanted to be when she was an adult. She described, as most would, a successful adult that works, is responsible, fun, loving and strong. The conversation led back to her skipping class and how her choice to not go to class now is setting up bad habits for keeping a job later in life. When she saw this action as a choice she could make that affects the person she will be in the future she decided she wanted to go to class. No one else made that choice for her; it was something she wanted to do.
3) What if parents decided that when their child entered junior high they would allow them to begin choosing for themselves? This would mean that parents would have to work towards teaching them all the basic principles of living a godly life by the time the child turn 12. After the child’s twelfth birthday it would no longer be teaching them principles but it would be more practical application of the principles. This of course doesn’t mean that parents would not apply principles to the children’s lives or that they would stop teaching principles during adolescents. It would mean that the parent would limit the consequences a teenager experiences to natural consequences. The parent’s role would shift from being teacher and disciplinarian to being coach and support.

What do you think? Do you think that teaching your child everything they need to know about being a man or woman of God by the age of 12 is possible? Are teens capable of making their own choices and choosing the right things? Does our culture try to slow maturity? I am only beginning to explore this concept and I am always trying to learn. I would love to hear your thoughts.